Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that
you, too, can become great.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been.

Let us be thankful for the fool. But for them the rest of us
could not succeed.

You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is
out of focus.

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the
age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

Live your life so that when you come to die, even the
undertaker will be sorry.

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.

Name the greatest of all the inventors: Accident.

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a
good impromptu speech.

It's noble to be good. It's nobler to teach others to be good,
and less trouble.

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is perhaps because we are not the person involved.

Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never
shows to anybody.

Facts, or what a man believes to be facts, are always delightful . . . Get your facts first, and . . . .then you can distort 'em as much
as you can please.

Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly
certainty is oblivion.

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a
member of Congress; but I repeat myself.

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to
cheer somebody else up.

Few things are harder to put up with than
a good example.

Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.

The human race has one really effective weapon, and
that is laughter.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will
not bite you. This is the principal difference
between a dog and a man.

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much
as a week, sometimes, to make it up.

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief
denied even to prayer.

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice.
Then he made school boards.

A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother.

A coin, sleeve-button or a collar-button dropped in a bedroom
will hide itself and be hard to find.
A handkerchief in bed can't be found.

Adam was but human -- this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent;
then he would have eaten the serpent.

Always do right. This will gratify some people, and
astonish the rest.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear -
not absence of fear.

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may
still exist, but you have ceased to live.

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's
time to pause and reflect.

Let us not be too particular: it is better to have old
secondhand diamonds than none at all.

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me,
but I think she enjoyed it.

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie
is that a cat has only nine lives.

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

Nobody ever went broke saving money.

Be careful about reading health books. You may
die of a misprint.

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.